Fuck this is a good question.

What was each candidates’ favorite day of Kristen?

How odd is it that Billy was by FAR the most relevant Bush in the 2016 election?

I’d bring some Stand by Your Man-chego, a bread basket of deplorables and some First Lady fingers. :)

Also, why do these people, WHO DON’T KNOW ME, care so goddamn much about my occasional pizza selection. Let a bitch live, damn.

Do not spend a second of your life worrying about me.

“I’ve very excited about because I fucking love Domino’s”

I think it is POGET and pronounced poe-jay

I’ve always had mad respect for Faith Hill. Could give a shit about her music but I’m really down for brunch

In your opinion?

I took her to a supermarket

It must be heartbreaking, knowing that your father doesn’t really want to have sex with you.

theoretically..... because it’s on your walk to work and you can only eat Chop’t so many times in one week and Seamless in the neighborhood where you work has too many options so it’s overwhelming

That’s not the soup nazi. That’s the pakistani restaurant owner. I never correct anyone on the internet, because who cares. But SEINFELD!!!

How about you don’t grab them anywhere. Not the pussy, the brain, or anything in between.

I recently empowered my female dog to not barf her expensive prescription food all over the kitchen floor. She embraced the empowerment and barfed outside.

Every time he’s accused of something it’s “I don’t know this person, I don’t know that person!”