My five-year-old’s name is Violet, so I got most of the way through the first episode and said, “nope.”

If you haven’t seen what is both my favorite Hammer Horror movie and my favorite Vincent Price movie, The Abominable Dr. Phibes, you’re in for a treat, because it’s both. It’s also free on YouTube in HD.

Are you wanting scary or funny or what?

I have bipolar disorder and struggle with anxiety on occasion. When I was in college, during a midterm I opened the bluebook and my mind just completely blanked and I’m running from the room fighting back tears until I can hide in a bathroom and I never went back, just took the F.

Are you talking herbs or “herbs?”

You need to come back with a marker and fix his punctuation and then say, “it’s because I’m one of the few caring ones.”

Did they also offer free personality tests?

The blood of the vanquished.

Yes. They call each other “bro” and think sports uniforms are acceptable daily casual wear.

I have just never found him funny. Not on SNL and not in films. It always feels like he’s overdoing it.

Re the Will Ferrell bar: I don’t know if there’s a “Places to Avoid When in New York” guidebook, but if there is, someone needs to tell the author there has to be one big addendum.

The people at Lyft are soooooooo jealous right now...

Florida’s one of those states where judges are elected and don’t need any actual legal training, right?

I fail to conform to the brutish, white, male stereotype

You say that like that’s unusual when it comes to organized religion.

It’s L.A. It’s more surprising if a porn wasn’t shot in a particular location.

If Ben Carson was there, he would have pointed out a more vulnerable target rushed the attacker.

No, she’s met Oprah before. Poor bowel control is simply one of the things you have to put up with when you’re on the Goop diet.

I think that’s police code for being an insufferable asshole while drunk.

Tomorrow? Those police have no appreciation for performance art!