Not only do they charge a monthly fee, they keep sending you an invoice whether or not you’ve told them a dozen times you don’t sell anything anymore. I just let them pile up at this point. Fuck them. Let them try to collect. I can afford a lawyer.

I can never let a Bristol Palin article go by without reminding everyone of her crowning achievement:

I look forward to Donald Trump’s 2017 campaign to win the 2016 presidential election.

It’s a one-sided high school thing, because I don’t dislike Morifarty’s ringtone. I don’t even know him/her.

Sorry, apparently I’m the rare person on Jezebel Morifarty’s ringtone dislikes because reasons.

Oh no, someone I’ve never met who knows nothing about me doesn’t like me for no good reason!

Hey, I’m not the goddamn exhaustion police!

Careful. Apparently asking such questions makes one “the goddamn food police.”

Well you say you’re not the food police, and yet you declared that certain animals don’t have meat inside them, so...

Does that mean it’s also okay for vegetarians to eat shrimp, lobster and crab?

Hm... why would I find drunk sports fans to be obnoxious people?

Yeah, what’s the big deal about celebrating a guy who is directly responsible for the genocide of 90% of the population of two continents? I don’t see the problem. Those stupid redskins and their butt-sticks.

I’ve always had what I thought was a totally irrational and unreasonable dislike of her, but I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve been right all along.

Sorry to tell you this, but you’ve been eating insect meat this whole time.

Don’t tell Morrissey about this!

Okay, let’s stop politicizing homosexuality by claiming it has something to do with sexual abuse when we just isolated the genetics behind it.

Really, if it had deserved its name, it should have been found dead in the toilet.

Okay, well congratulations. I’m sure you’ll be accepted into the International Society for Pedants Who Miss the Point any day now.

He has a (admittedly very funny) routine about thinking his name was Jesus Christ and his brother’s name was Damn It because of his dad. But I’m never listening to his comedy routines again, so I’m not going to hunt it down.

Someone didn’t think something through...