So close to achieving my dream of being human furniture and yet so far...

I’m white, but Jewish and I went to a small private school which called itself Montessori but totally was not. There were four kids kept at the bottom of the pecking order both by the kids and by the only teacher I had for six years. I’m sure it was just a coincidence that it was the only two black kids and the only…

Unfortunately, Fox is still trying to turn Ahmed into a terrorist. This is from yesterday-

You don’t have to tell me. I don’t especially trust either Bush or Obama, but Obama was the best out of two bad choices both times and as much as people love to yell about revolution, when the French tried it, it ended in a reign of terror and Napoleon being crowned emperor, so I’m not too keen on that either.

I’m not sure how that follows...

I actually had someone name an internet law after me because of that shit: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?ter…

Well, I mean, the NSA *was* listening in on their phone conversations. Under both Bush and Obama. That’s what the whole Snowden thing was about...

Calm down, kid. You’ll rupture something.

That graph though...

Sounds like he doesn’t think it’s a person after all.

“I’m going to waste a ton of money, but not as much money as that other guy’s gonna waste! Fugheddabadit, no disrespect.”

I’m sure that’s true, but in a situation like this where someone is going to be permanently in a place where accurately facing Mecca would involve things like lying on your stomach, I would think that this sort of thing would need to be worked out a little better than that.

Well then maybe you shouldn’t make “hilarious” jokes about vaginas since you should know better.

How convenient that you just happen to have a pregnant wife. I definitely believe you.

If there ages were switched, I’d say ‘way to go, dude!’

The correct way to spell that word is, “anyhow.” And the correct way to pronounce it too. One must be proper with one’s language, otherwise there would be no reason for one to use it, what-what?

I bet they’re sure doing something that involves going deep and connecting...

Yay team dog (because I have no choice)!

Wow... you haven’t been within 50 feet of a vagina since you were born, have you?

It is not my place to determine what “we” are “supposed” to do.