At last, an owner predisposed to accept 4th or 5th place.

He died doing what he loved...

Wow, this guy just can’t stop killing people. 

Reminds me of when they traded for Brandon McCarthy.

Rumor has it the cheerleaders were also part of a pyramid scheme.

The really great thing is, you don’t have to be alone with a woman to take away her access to health care.

I had to do some research to understand this, and I appreciate it all the more. Teach a man to fish...

I like doing laundry, heck I even love it.

Washer in the basement (laundromats are indeed hell). I never use the dryer.
Air dry on a washing line. Smalls go on a folded horse.
Everything goes on the line so it will come off folded - e.g. tees and sweaters pegged under the arms so no visible peg marks, and taken from line…

Yeah, like we are going to take the word of a known criminal.

it seems like it offers the things I like most about live baseball: Sitting outside in nice weather, eating and drinking, and just absorbing the entire sensory experience—the smells, the sounds—without necessarily caring that much about who wins or loses, or even who plays.

“I first saw President Reagan as a foot, highly polished brown cordovan wagging merrily on a hassock. I spied it through the door. It was a beautiful foot, sleek. Such casual elegance and clean lines! But not a big foot, not formidable, maybe a little ...frail. I imagined cradling it in my arms, protecting it from…

Plus, how the hell are they going to run up and down the sidelines with high heels on?

“Hmm, yes, let’s ignore the president of the United States, that’ll stop him.”

But Gilbert still refuses to let Tim Duncan to attend Cavs games after the last time, when Duncan got on the PA system and told people about the dangers of sub prime variable rate mortgages, and that he would be willing to help anyone in the arena re-fi into a 30 year fixed with a 2.875% rate and no points.

Great move. Southerners love Cousins!

Your dad would be proud at what an insufferable fuck you’ve grown into. Good to know you’re the only person who’s ever suffered loss in the world.