The only good Atlanta soccer franchise is a dead Atlanta soccer franchise.

At least Derrick Rose is in good standing somewhere in the world.

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That was such an uncouth, inappropriate comment that my brain has stopped working. What the fuck does Cleveland have to do with any of this???

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Ugh. It makes me sick to see kids now involved in this stupid "look at me" crap, drawing attention to themselves on the court. I mean really, WHY are their uniforms that bright?

Once more with feeling, please.

Benito Santiago. I have literally zero reasons for this.

Which one of you poor bastards has to watch the Mets games at night?

"... and even though it's only this big, the power trip I get from this job makes me feel like I'm Dirk Diggler."

You are aware that Hank Aaronand other players of his day popped amphetamines, yes?

Bonds' 762 should have an asterisk beside it, and that asterisk should reference a note at the very bottom of the list, and that note should read "762 is greater than 755".

BJ Upton is just excited that he gets to dress up as a professional baseball player tonight.

The team is the Chattanooga Lookouts, an affiliate of the Los Angeles Dodgers, and this author is spot-on. I've seen the small mascot walking around without his costume head on towards the end of the game more than once and he always did seem absolutely shitfaced.

Ha!

Agreed. You might bother the people in front of you in that packed baseball stadium. This is a Mets game, not a goddamn day at the beach. While you're at it, quit reading the program. They're not playing the game on paper, you fucking dipshit. They're playing it on the field. Also, wipe that stupid smile off your…

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The most fucked up part about all of this is when you realize that you're actively rooting for a 14-year old character to die in the most disgusting way possible.

I'm sure the driver was distracted by Desean Jackson.