Call AAA! That’s what they are there for. Seriously, straight from their website.

Who needs a boyfriend if you have AAA? I’ve heard that it is a front for the radical feminist movement to rid the planet of worthless men.

It’s a real thing. It’s the official purse of all Jezebelians too. (They say Kangaroo, but we all know what’s really going on).

Then I demand a raise. And a BJ.

And this is exactly why my dad made me learn how to change my own tire, he knew I’d never be able to count on a man to do it for me.

OMG I AM IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BIGGIE SMALLS IS BETTER THAN TU PAC

I hear it and think about vegetable medleys.

and the unauthorized “washdown of hardscapes” like the walkway to her house

I took a group of kids to the fair a couple of years ago. They all got on this hang gliding ride where you lay stomach down on these hang glider shaped things and the ride twirls around. You get it. Anyway, since you were on your stomach, the ride operator had to latch all of the bars. He got about half way through…

I know right?!?!

Omg this is the best jez comment thread in the history of forever.

Swole-aby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Black with multi-colored glitter. Off of the suggestion of a nail artist from LA over in a milihelen thread, I got acrylics a few weeks back to try to stop biting my nails. I have kind of fallen in love with them. I keep them super super short and they look like my real nails. I had planned on this being temporary but…

Sorry, Vegas.

I’m getting my nails done at a salon that doesn’t mistreat their employees or commit atrocious labor violations. AMA.

I need to recreate this. WEEKEND PROJECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is me RN. Fuck waiting till tonight. Life is too too short to not twerk your booty in your cubicle, just a little.