Ziggy’s sext lecture about the cloud should be included in this! Married sexts for the win!

They dart and swoop! And buzz like a Dino sized insect. They could take an eye out with their dagger beaks.

Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Fuck. Birds.

Thank you. My hope is that some day someone will just buy it for me. My suped up model costs about as much as a cheap house in the mid-west.

Once I had a mama squirrel nest in my attic. She had a nest in a wall and birthed some baby squirrels there, right behind an outlet. My dogs stalked the outlet for weeks until the squirrels had grown up and moved out. Then, one day when I was going up into the attic for something, I looked up and mama squirrel was…

I just had to tell you that I told my husband this story and he was just as amused as I!

I can’t quite figure out how to react to this. Was Riley a family pet? Who has a handler for a family pet? Regardless I love this story.

I had a crazy interaction with a deranged raccoon once. They are terrifying. Let’s throw squirrels in there too please.

Good god, is #poorallen a thing? Because we should get it trending!

Meh.

Why are we eating them instead of making them president?

I live-tweeted my experience on a Japanese toilet like this, that’s how awesome it was. Everyone deserves a toilet like this.

Is it frivolous? I don’t think it is, but I want a Bug Out Van so bad.

1) A Burberry trench coat. My mom gave me money to buy it but I cannot bring myself to do it. Thoughts?

YAS!

We were not in a great spot, and I’m not into the whole sending pics thing (which he fucking knew!) so I was inordinately annoyed, and thought,

I also thought: panties do NOT go in the dryer!!

This tickled me to no end!

I seriously know someone who could have sent these.