The Southern Baptist church is the one Jimmy Carter left, because, in part, "The truth is that male religious leaders have had — and still have — an option to interpret holy teachings either to exalt or subjugate women. They have, for their own selfish ends, overwhelmingly chosen the latter. Their continuing choice…

Yeah, there's a mangled soda can next to me that can attribute to my reaction. Also, your point about the split in the church is a good one, if popular opinion about certain politicians rings true. The "Christ-centered path" branch of Christianity is very much a point I make a lot in debates with a friend of mine.…

No, no, no. You see, only the crazy, love-everybody liberal Christians talk about Jesus. All the Christians that are right, like Nazi the Pope and Rick Santorum, they listen to crazy look-alike stalker Jesus had, named Henry. (Where did you think the H came from in "Jesus H. Christ"? It's like when they used to bill…

Every time he does one of these cutesy ad videos for Glee (or, you know, opens up his mouth at all) I fall a little bit more in love. He's just so apologetically dorky. (Edited to add: from me, that's the biggest compliment you'll ever get.)

That video made me ridiculously happy. Fanboy Darren is my favorite Darren. (That's a lie. Every Darren is my favorite Darren. I love Darren as much as he loves Hanson.)

I know! I want to cuddle him. And I'm normally not that much of a cat person. I don't mind them, but I don't usually want to snuggle full-grown ones. (When I was a kid the lady next door had a pet demon that had assumed the shape of a cat. Bad memories.)

Damn. Knew I should have bought the extended one.

And when the lizard closes his eyes? That's the most snuggly I've ever found a lizard.

... I want my ovaries back, Jezebel. You made them blow up, now replace them.

I tried using Nair on my bikini line exactly once. I went running for the shower one minute in.

Heehee I like your interpretation better.

I mean, if it was naturally blacklight sensitive, or there was a painless way to get there, that would be fabulous. But... I mean, my neck broke out when I died by hair last year. I don't even want to think about even more sensitive skin.

I'm sure that when I'm further away from my computer and therefore this ad, I'm sure I'll react with horror to what this product means to women, but for now, I'd like to say that the idea of a product strong enough to alter skin color getting any closer to my vagina than the screen of my laptop while it's, well, on my…

Can I join you? Or are you in your own little corner in your own little chair?

"It's OK to like dick. By my count, a little over half the world loves it. You're in good company."

Well, if the blue ball theory is correct, he doesn't "fucking" exist....

Two things:

My friends and I like to say that "no homo" has no place in the English language, because if you can justifiably say it it doesn't need to be said. "I like that shirt, blue's my favorite color" is in no way sexual, so it can't be homosexual. And if you need to say it, it was probably a sexual statement. "No homo but I…

Oh my God it would be that episode of the Gosselin show where they announced the divorce. Everyone and their great-aunt Bessie would be watching the show.

The noise I just made probably set off the twilight bark. All of the dogs in a mile radius are quite possibly unhappy with you, but I kind of want to be your best friend.