Let’s take a look at the Valve Handbook for New Employees, shall we?

No, don’t go bringing that Void shit in here. We’ve got enough failed Chronospheres in one MOBA, we don’t need any more.

Will they be surprise games, or can we practice? Would a Gameshark be considered a performance enhancing drug?

I scrolled through the list without reading it, saw the picture, and thought, “Why is there Skrillex here?”

This must be what it’s like to watch Vince McMahon fight, but with lawyers instead of wrestling. And with out-of-shape old guys instead of wrestlers. And with stupid pedantry instead of “well-crafted” fiction.

“We lost because our top lane fed them so much.”

So, it’s DayZ/Minecraft/other survival zombie game, but you can’t just bonk the monsters on the head, and instead have to actually take survival into account?

But you can’t strip a Super Bowl from the Patriots! Think of the Patriot Way! Those boys worked hard to earn that victory! I can’t believe that you...

Have YOU ever fucked up on national TV? I’ve fucked up in a room with one other person, and I still didn’t want to admit to them that it was my fault.

To put the fine portion in perspective:

Seconded. My Wii U is less than a foot from my PC.

You forgot Business Kitty (sorry, Google corrected me to Biznis Kitty). She’s in Lord Business’ Evil Lair, set 70809.

I’m disappointed that he’s not a dolphin.

One of the most important rules of the SFW internet: there’s a GIF for everything.

I do so enjoy having burritos, but I can’t have too much at a time. I can only have a Chipoh-little.

Remember, kids. Don’t yell at people who are trained to use firearms and are respected members of society, even if they are dillweeds. This is like when some lady started bad-mouthing the military during Act of Valor.

Oh man, Belichick is going to have these guys by the bal...

Oh shit. I think I hear Jalopnik coming. Everyone, hide your casual karting games!

He’s probably right. My memory has been a bit fuzzy ever since I tried to wrap my head around Canifest Destiny.

3 so far. Nazi Germany, North Korea, and Japan, if I remember right. There’s not a wiki for that kind of thing, which is odd.