This comment needs way more stars.

It's ironic because most of the boys finish in under 4.5 seconds.

"When drunk we are all 'Melo." Depends. A few tequilas and I'm channeling Steven Adler circa 1985.

Many driving. Such left turns.

Food Publications, Ranked:

Chopped garlic and Serrano peppers, olive oil, arbol chilies, clams (cockles are also great), chicken stock, mount with flamingo butter (butter that is melted in the shells of shrimps and lobsters), toss in the linguine and a heavy handful of baby rainbow chard! This also sounds delicious however.

"Russian Curler Eats It"

"It's not often that almost-goals are celebrated but, damn, that would have been a beauty."

• 1995

Well played.

"The Dunkin Donuts Fidelity TD Investment Bank Yawkey Duck Boat Pedro Ortiz Necco Fuddruckers Papa Gino's Neal Diamond"

"Those taking the run better be real confident into their stopping abilities lest you get 'hit by a car on Sixth Avenue'"

"Krapps Last Tape: The True Story behind Spygate"

The joke here is that this is exactly what I come to deadspin for. Also I'm an ass.

"Deadspin: Allowing snarky Millennials the opportunity to anonymously avoid an honest and intellectual discussion since 2005!"

No, no one cares about your gambling addiction... also as a Pats fan I love to be an asshole. It's my job.

Congrats. No one cares.

Secure home field next time.

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

"Two incidents of reckless driving in eight months? Amateur."