You remember that Sunday morning, two months after dad left, you wake up and notice mom’s hair is seriously mussed, and then you walk into the kitchen and dad is making eggs like the past eight weeks never happened . . .

By way of comparison, NBC only let one employee go today.

When my daughter was 2, she refused to let me use wet wipes to clean her after she pooped, and insisted on being wiped with a shred of an American flag which had been moistened with tears shed by decent upstanding citizens at the moral decay our society has been experiencing since, oh, about September 22nd, 1862. But…

I think the “ally” part comes in when, in addition to being a decent human being, you call out people who are not being decent human beings.

Drew, thank you so much for the honesty in this column. Being upfront and honest about the shitty things we’ve done is important. I have a lot of things to atone for, too, and this is inspiration to keep working on being better.

Huh, my favourite magician has always been Harry Houdidn’tgrabmyass.

CSI: Barky little bitch dogs.

But he had respectfully drawn down his beer to half-mast.

I went to college with a girl who had no arms. Even she didn’t use a straw.

Now THAT’S disrespecting America*.

Swansea is the Central Mass of Eastern Mass.

I do think there is some like network announcing coach that finally wears these guys down over the years until they become complete shit. Like it always seems like they start off strong the first year they stop playing, then slowly over the years they become more and more generic.

“We’re gonna need a bi...ehh, this boat should be fine.”

Sir, this is a Wendy’s drive-thru.

Here’s an anti-rape gadget that I think would work pretty well: robust educational curricula regarding consent and sexual autonomy.

“Hold on... Change black girl.. to White! Boom, now we’ve got the story. Ripped from the headlines!”

You misspelled “worst.”

Hahahahaha sure dude, we’ll split off and be a state called Chicagoland, and you all can live in “OMG holy shit we have no money for anything”. Enjoy that.

I’d say “Keep your chin up, Joe” but that may be impossible

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