I know as a father that I place a large part of my own self-worth and opinion of myself as a man on the size of my infant son’s penis.

The GOP really is starting to talk more frankly. George W. Bush was a “compassionate conservative” but now they’re really telling us to our face that they’ll gently ram us in the ass.

He then handed off the shirt to Pete Carroll.

My earliest rotisserie baseball teams were written on a thing called paper and drafted on a site named my friend’s attic. We walked to the March draft through 8 feet of snow, uphill both ways.

Wooly Bully’s daughter, right?

Look, I’ve tried.

Like the shmoes who got the naming rights for the Sears Tower. No one calls it the Willis Tower, so what exactly is the point?

Ryan Lochte was supposed to be there as well, but got held up taking a shit all over Washington Highlands.

Chuck it up to a block in his knob.

Do you believe Gov. Mike Pence waited until after haircut to introduce himself? Many people are saying he didn’t want to mention Trump until away from scissors. Sad.

Stay tuned for a future tweet: Shout out @realDonaldTrump. My daughter and I also enjoy #inappropriateinnuendo regarding how attracted I am to her! #TrumpPence2016

Wait, is this guy re-broadcasting Major League Baseball with implied oral consent? How has the back-assward league office not shut him down?