"Damn, that's a hot take! Why the hell didn't I think of it?"—Bill Simmons

I dunno...I mean, the "scientifically accurate" SpongeBob was kinda funny, in a Faces of Death sort of way.

This has all the raw sexual power and sensuality of a list of graham cracker ingredients

"I'll give you a whole carton of smokes and my 13 inch black and white for them."—O.J.

Waiting for my Pirates to make THEIR badass deadline rental deals! Surely there's a washed-up, minimally-productive, has-been out there, or a nice, productive player that'll do fairly well for them, only to be ditched after the season ends.

"The group is a pretty average group of guys."

"'Not this 15-year-old," he said."

Tight End: "I get a.....gimp mask, coach? Why? New drill?"

The best part was Pujols sliding AFTER Pearce caught the ball, as if he was trying to make it look like a close play.

Beautiful updating of the "Bugs saws off Florida" gif.

Well, yes, but when Flood arrives "in style", it'll help draw elite talent to the school, which will thus win more, and make everybody's lives just a bit more sparkly and wonderful! Especially the vast majority of residents who couldn't possibly give less of a fuck about how well the school does! So, in the end,…

Rob Deer begat Mark Reynolds, who begat Chris Carter

"nothing special" when it comes to licks? You sound like my ex-wife. HEY-OH!

"Is he some kind of athletic freak who stands at 6-foot-6, has a 40-inch vertical, and can run a 60-yard dash in 6.6 seconds?"

"Dammit. There ain't a fuckin' thing I can believe in no more. Here I thought I'z a member of a real community, not some buncha damn eee-leet commie lawyer types!"—KlansmanDan69, Redskinsfacts.com member

He approaches baseball like sweatshop employees approach the next shift.

The man is living, breathing history, and when he dies, the game will never be the same.

"I'll drink to that!"—Eddie Sutton's ghost

Jesus, Gordon! The solution is simple—just meet with Raj, say you're 'weelie weelie sowwee', and bam! 16, cut down to 3! Sorry, but 3 is the lowest you'll get. After all, smokin' the chron is bad. I mean, 'worse than spousal abuse' bad.

Expecting Disney to put together a factual sports movie constructed completely by the actual story would be like expecting actual reality from a reality show. The entire Disney brand is built on that stupid 'when you wish upon a star' crap!