My favorite part of the whole shitty escapade was Harbaugh suggesting that kids learned a valuable lesson with this strict and swift punishment. Actions have consequences, or some such bullshit.

"Christ, Mark! Have you even HEARD of shampoo?"

"Holy shit! What an arm!"—Johnny Damon

As a damn-near lifelong Pirates fan, I remember relishing the damage he was inflicting as part of the Bonds/Van Slyke/Bonilla outfield, and was heartbroken to see him head to the Giants. If he would've just been content with being a complete badass, instead of trying to soothe his butthurt about other players getting…

Gives new meaning to 'Dotting the I'.

It's okay. Doug Gottlieb IS pretty confused about anything that doesn't have to do with Doug Gottlieb.

"Hold on a sec. Let's not be hasty, here. Are they any good? I mean, that's pretty important, you know."—Raj Goodell

"No, Mr. Epstein, it's not because of the market-size. It's because we DESERVE this spot. The top spot would, of course, have been more accurate, but, well, we must be charitable towards those who are not us, correct?"—the Cardinals and their fans

Raj and the gang, looking out over the landscape and laughing at the pitiful, weak protestations, giving the finger to those who are enraged by this "punishment".

She's inspired him to pen a private version just for her: "She's a Two Guard"

Amazing how they managed to catch Oden in one of his rare 'happy' moments!

"Palmer, who married Rice after the incident, went on to apologize for her role in getting punched out."

The Lionel Hutz Online School of Lawyering?

"Haha! Because rape is fuckin' funny! I don't mean, like, Anchorman funny, but just funny. Know how I know? Because my daddy said so! He's, like, the funniest dude I know! But seriously, dudes, stop with the rape stuff. Pops said for me to tell you guys that."—Arya Toufanian

"Wonder what he REALLY does think. I'd like to ask him, but I'm afraid of rejection. I bet we'd be good friends if we just got to know each other. God, I'd take a bullet for him. I'd do his jail time. I wonder if he thinks about me. He's so cool. People say I should stop this sort of stuff, ever since that…

I liked Alex English. After the movie, I found I liked him better as a basketball player.

On the Brewers? Dunno.

And if you had actual talent, Kirk, you'd actaully be worth listening to. So it's a wash.

"Fuck, I'm jealous! Dude's done it on nothing but actual talent!"—Ryan Braun

Kevin Durant and Justin Bieber star in the hilarious Adam Sandler remake of "Amazing Grace and Chuck"! Christmas, '15!