I'd like to see Lionel Hutz putz

Ernie Els, with his "Mantra For Outboard Motors" interpretive dance!

"...and did not want to slight anyone by singling out one individual."

"'I remember the Little League teams that come to the Stadium usually come and stand next to us. It means I've been doing it for a long time – a very long time. It's great to see guys that you run into when they're young. There's been plenty of players I've played against that have said I had an opportunity to met…

THIS IS WHERE ALL THE GREEK YOGURT COMES FROM!!

Jesus, Drew. This was exceptional....I have a daugther who's almost 9. She's wickedly smart and has a gift for art that I can't even grasp, and in the next four to six weeks, she's going to be going to a local Magnet school that she tested in to. I don't press her to compete, or win, or dominate, or anything like…

I'm not sure the baseball world is ready for a Cardinal who disrespected the game like that.

"Next week, on 'Nash and Hassebrock'—the boys play the most dangerous game with an international terrorist, known only as Czar Nikolas. Saturday at 7, only on Spike!"

Caption: "And then the guy said, and I shit you not, 'You're goin' to jail, Haslem!"

"All hands on dick! Because I have an erection, you see. Touch my boner, is what I'm saying."—Gotze

Man, I know ALL about this. People photoshop pics with me all the friggin' time! Some people call it 'cropping' or 'cutting that half of the picture off' (back in the day), but I call it 'photoshopping'.

Steve Nash tried responding, but ended up on the Disabled List.

Police are stymied, trying to figure out who did it. When locals were asked for assistance, they noted, "We are all witnesses."

"Dude is gonna LOVE my 'money phone' routine!!"—Johnny Football

"I'm still available!"—Andrew Bynum

"That's my boy! Say, P, can I borrow some money?"-Cecil

"I'm not sure hw that will help anything, Mr. Monfort."—Ferguson.

NOT returning? Delonte West

"Hall of Fame pitcher Greg Maddux used to mosey up to rookies in the shower, engage them in conversation and, while pretending to listen to them talk, secretly pee down their legs."

We are all witnesses.....to the rediscovery that, hey, Cleveland has a basketball team!