This is the sort of weird shit that makes one yearn for the simple, restrained dignity of True Blood....

"That is some serious small-change bullshit! Big fuckin' baby....I don't recall ever needing any help with shit stuck on MY head!" (Winnie the Pooh stubs out cigarette, waddles away)

Wait....I admit, I'm a bit confused. Didn't we all have to undergo decontamination protocols after this most recent Transformers movie (whether we saw it or not. After all, immunization from Michael Bay is something that could lead to the next great strides in human evolution)? And the GI Joe flicks weren't…

"Who is Fats Thomas? Somebody we need on the payroll, like, yesterday!"—Jim Irsay

"And we hope that bird's OK."

"Fuck this guy. Gotta be some octopus around here to eat."—the shark

The 'V' is a Roman numeral. Great. Fucking awesome.

The moment it became a go-to descriptive term used by 'baggy, dude-bro types, the term lost all practical use and/or value.

"Meh. No biggie. It's all part of the natural cycle of the Earth's weather patterns, you know, if the cycle was measured in 800,000 year increments. So shut up!"—climate change deniers

I've often wondered why we weren't making a bigger commitment to that technology. Here's hoping that'll spawn more interest in expanding the effort.

"Ha. No, really. It's hilarious. Never heard that one before."—Belgians

Sure does! Hence the "apocalyptic" aspect! You know, kinda like a "if we can't have it, nobody else will!" thing?

Unfortunately, our brief but memorable War On Romantic Getaways ended up little more than a mere footnote in history....to mark the occasion this weekend, I plan on trying to throw a football through a tire swing, before giving up in failure as I watch throw after throw sail limply to the ground

I've got MY money on a lack of fresh water leading to escalating wars over supply, which will lead to war crimes involving the poisoning of water and food supplies, which will lead to higher death tolls and lack of sanitary conditions, which will throw in a bonus pandemic!

You call it "panache", I call it "impertinence". But words are meaningless, so let's not quibble over such matters.

"Fuck you, asshole! Keep the ball! I NEED A BEER, DAMN YOU!"—Grabby Lady

Quite a long article about players adjusting themselves.......HEY-OH!

I'd be damned if I'd throw a Skor bar at them; those things are delicious. A bag or two worth of Werther's, though? Eh, sure...

Ah.....well, I mean, what can you say? Philosophically speaking, the man has a point.

Damn. When I was younger, I could rise and grind any damn time I wanted. Now that I've hit middle age, it's not nearly as easy. I hear it's just a matter of blood flow, but I'm worried that it might never get any better.....