So let’s review: for-profit prison companies contribute millions to election campaigns; those office holders pass more laws, (more laws->more offenses->more convictions->more inmates), federal government pays private prisons to house the inmates, who in turn manufacture goods for government contracts.

Someone will star this, but it ain’t gonna be me.

Slave labor is awesome?

Goodell really just wants Dennis Miller back.

This is why this situation is so baffling to me. If Lochte doesn’t make this a big deal, it all goes away and not even the coaches down there wouldve known anything was wrong.

Come on, that’s really unfair. He’s WAY dumber than your hypothetical 12 year old.

Let’s deal with facts here. There is no clear evidence he was drunk. He may have just been his usual asshole self.

Lochte tore up a gas station and somehow *he* is the victim? GTFO. Getting a gun pulled on you for something like that isn’t just a third world thing. Try that at an inner-city convenience store here in the US. Lochte’s lucky he didn’t get shot.

Wait, so in this version Ryan Lochte fucked up someone elses property, acted like an asshole, and didn’t actually lose any money. He is the Trump of Urinegate 2016.

So Lochte basically told the Cartman version of the story

+1 slobber knocker.

That would be an entertaining 14 seconds.

“Operation Overlord” on PPV.

To be fair, I don’t think there are as many patriot haters who were carrying Goodells water on Ballghazi as there were patriot haters who hated Goodell for putting us in a situation where we had to side with Tom Brady

Normally I wouldn’t, but Conway’s 100% right here. We should have followed the Steelers’ lead.

The tailgate began with me witnessing men shirtless eating hot dogs off of each other’s stomachs as some sort of test of masculinity.

Woody Johnson is Jerry Jones, minus the vision, rings, or entertainment value.

But when I do this after my niece’s tee-ball games it’s frowned upon.