Maryland’s Martin O’Malley: MMM, which is that sound you make something isn’t all that good, but also isn’t absolutely revolting.

“I’m glad this didn’t blow up in his face.” — JPP

But does the kid stay in the picture?

Jesus. Now that’s absolutely filthy.

Everything about both of these jokes sounds unintentionally filthy. I mean, what exactly is the tip of the slounge?

Bive her a greak on the tip of the slounge.

I’m going to watch a sous chef ski.

“Maybe Jay Cutler will take the hint?” — Bears fans.

Careful, Tawmmy. Hernandez also loved Odin Lloyd to death.

Homer: Hi, Marge! We’re freaking out squares!

Except he can threaten retirement to force a trade.

It’s sad. I’m not a Lions fan, and not in that market, but I was always happy to get to see Sanders play.

I hope he’s retiring just to get out of his contract so he can sign somewhere else.

Sure, I don’t know Portuguese, but I’ll try to muddle through with the bit of Spanish I know:

Yeah, but who wouldn’t want to move off of NBC?

“And how is anyone supposed to believe the opinions of a bunch guys who keep getting hit on their heads?”

Snap-on hex.

I feel his pain. I plan on watching the Super Bowl with 11 or 12 screwdrivers in my hand.

Life when so much simpler when you could just drain your blood from yourself, separate the red blood cells with a centrifuge, have your team carry it around in a cooler on dry ice while hiding it from officials, and then give yourself a transfusion of your own blood before a race.

Just think if you could combine Manziel with Tebow: you’d have a Heisman winner who acted like an average adult but was still a terrible NFL quarterback.