I'll take your birthday celebrity and raise you (July 13):

When he fights someone, he swears he is giving everything and the other person is giving nothing, which makes sense because he turns out to be fighting a doorknob.

Yeah, I'm calling bullshit on the whole "fucking lots of women" claim.

Now I'm picturing this doofus lacing up a pair of boxing gloves, getting the laces around his neck and his foot somehow, and falling into the previously unseen ocean, where he is immediately eaten by a giant squid.

You sound like the asshole I dated in college that also called himself paladin. Weird how the people who like to use that moniker tend to be jerkasses as opposed to what a paladin classically stands for...

unless you are having your orgasm in your own hand, she is already helping you with your orgasm.

As someone who has a clit, I appreciate that it's accessible without penetration. It's awesome that the husband and I can still get each other off without PIV, which is pretty handy when Aunt Irma is around (Shark Week) or when we're out of birth control.

When is the last time you hooked up with a guy that just "laid there and took it?"

Dude, the clitoris is a big organ, and like 98% of it is interior all of the time.

Just the tip.

Sadly, I am completely sober today. But, fun fact: Soren Bowie and I are IRL friends from college and have been drunk in the same room MANY TIMES.

I dont fuck around with lots of sex partners for this exact reason. It's just like fast food. I'm not gonna waste all those calories on a big mac, I am going to get the best burger in town and enjoy every moment of it. And if I am going to bother getting naked and sweaty and messy with someone it better be WORTH it. I…

That's actually a good idea. Why don't you just jack off and not go near ladies. It sounds like it's better for both parties in your situation.

Because a woman bringing herself to orgasm on her own is called "masturbation", not "an intimate, enjoyable sexual relationship."

Talking about scrotum violence, even in a joking manner, perpetuates scrotal violence culture. As a victim of multiple instances of scrotal violence, I don't find this the least bit funny. It reminds me of that night when I was attacked. I have to live with this scrotum every day—people saying, "Well if you didn't…

In Gillibrand's confrontation with the military brass, the irony of the first physical and speech impressions left by the senator seemed to Chang too obvious and too interesting on a human level to ignore.

ball scientists

I have never NOT flushed a tampon down a toilet. The idea of wrapping it up and throwing it away grosses me out.

I know Kirsten extremely well and long before politics. She's a very serious person and she's one of my smartest friends. She comes into work and leaves last, even when she was pregnant with her first child. Anyone who has worked for, with, or against her does not recognize her by that silly and irrelevant…

You know, I met Gillibrand when she was campaigning, and I don't recall commenting about her perkiness, prettiness, or anything about her appearance or voice. I did spend some time talking about how I was impressed with her determination and that she had that certain sparkly X-factor that really charismatic people…