I have nothing to say other than I have honestly never been so ashamed to be an American as I am tonight.

uh, you *are* supposed to remove your candidate buttons/hats/clothing when you get there, since it can count as electioneering.

(slow clap)

Clearly he was on his way to do a business.

Do I believe they called him “Diaper Don?”

I love the hell out of this. People get too wound up thinking their day to day is boring, and that there is nothing significant about all of the little things that add up in our lives.

https://www.google.com/amp/theslot.jezebel.com/in-honor-of-donald-trumps-70th-birthday-here-are-70-wa-1781899319/amp

I don’t know, I found Trump’s basic pitch pretty compelling:

355 mass shootings in 2015.

This is the first thing that has ever made me actually want to watch a basketball game in full.

You can still buy vinyl, it just depends on who the artist is. The last record I bought was the Zombies’ Still Got That Hunger (last year). I may sound like a hipster doof (or an old), but there’s something about a record that’s better than a CD or mp3/whatever the thing on your phone’s called...Google Play? I will…

“including replays of EPIC TACKLES”

It’s the American Dream

I don’t get the alleged sexual magnetism. He’s like someone gave a ferret a fake beard and a Vineyard Vines gift card.

Oh gosh, sorry, I hope it didn’t come across like ‘The Toast did it first, you HACKS!’, I just thought people might like to read The Toast one as well because I enjoy Mallory Ortberg a lot.

it is very much not a joke and it is honestly rude of you to assume so

He’s Hanjo.

After Jezebel was attacked for doing anti-feminist things (posting pics of a rape victim, employing Hugo Schwyzer) and didn’t like the standards it was being held to.