Right? Or at least order drinks to spill on the attendees you hate the most. I’d save a campari and soda for Clint Eastwood and a liter of beer for Jim Belushi.

Like anything tastes as terrible as Turkish Delights.

Isn’t it funny how our society demands Moderate Muslims “take care” of radical Islam in their community of faith yet no one demands Moderate Christians to do the same?

What? Republican Jesus loves beer!

More like Jennifer WHINER am I right?

Can anybody tell me what happened on the cross-country date? What were the state pairings? Alaska/Texas? Nevada/Vermont? Minnesota/Mississippi? Missori and who cares?

How is she doing with the fact that the currency is back rubs? Has she frustratingly thrown money at someone who wouldn’t let her pose for a burrito?

I have a friend that has this remarkable ability as well. It’s like a magic trick. They ask you about your day and that somehow turns into them telling you about a recent vacation they took or a story that makes them look very good.

Its crazy to me that anyone lets Lena Dunham do interviews as the entire thing is her wedging in first person stories and not actually asking questions

The other 3 will say their favorite is Vonnegut. Vonnegut fans are the worst.

Do we really believe that Kylie was cut off by Kris? And if she was, why is she buying Bentleys?

All the excitement of a lawnmower but with doors!

That’s weird. Everyone I’ve ever seen on cocaine has a lot of shit to declare.

Are you referring to the esteemed Dr. Leo Spaceman?

I don’t see how he can. This is the longest he’s had to keep Trumping. He’s never truly Trumped this long or had to liveTrump this much for audiences. Usually he’d get a break to Trump off somewhere by himself. Maybe in his private bathroom where he can just be a Trump all day long. But this? This is an endurance test…

But if the definition is that every undocumented person is breaking the law, then all undocumented people are criminals. It’s not a softening at all. It’s just bullshit.

Prescriptions? According to a man who calls himself a doctor of medicine he’s the healthiest man to ever run for President. If there’s anything he’s “on” it’s liquid bootstraps, stars and bars vitamins and snorted ground eagle beaks.

Nothing should say “it’s over” like Paris Hilton photographing her way through your event

It’s a pincer maneuver to isolate a nice little hair island up front