Fair. But it's still mostly about Tina and Amy.

And this is why I don't have credit cards.

Yeah. Cause women are the THIRSTY ones.

Actresses and models are highly paid and wearing heals is like...40 percent of their job function. The rest of us plebs live in the real world, where nobody pays us for this sort of thing.

Nope. You share my not-so-secret shame. Sometimes I try them on in my bedroom and admire them in the mirror. Then I put on flip flops and leave.

Those shoes would look beautiful on my beautiful shoe shelf inside my beautiful closet, which houses all the beautiful shoes that I buy because they're beautiful but never wear because they hurt like fuck.

This is just weird...and their cuddle empire is going to come crashing down once someone gets raped by a fucking stranger who pretended he was interested in "a cuddle."

If I were stuck next to old shirtless creeper, I'd get so puking drunk on that flight and, God willing, let looseth the chunks all over his big pasty belly. Then I'd end up on this list myself. Yay!

OF COURSE Tom Brady interned at Merril Lynch. He is suuuuuch a finance bro.

With feathered bangs that will echo through the ages.

Double amputee chic.

Brian Lederman (shown here with Amanda Lederman) claims he didn't grope waitress Laura Ramadei — but says he's done it to plenty of others.

Wait. Seriously? I didn't grope this lady but I grope all the other ladies, so what's the big fucking deal?!...that's a defense? Fuck this guy. Fuck him (not) gently with a…

I was ALMOST excited about this, till I realized he'd be taking over for Cecily Strong and not that fucking wretched douchebag Colin Jost. This is fucking terrible. Fuck Colin Jost.

Another wretched Betsey Johnson costume party.

Yeah. Pay lip service to one cause instead of the other. As if pretending to care about breast cancer is any more or less important than pretending to care about domestic violence.

I'm so in love with this. All of this.

You are not alone. I feel like a dirtbag.

I like marshmallow dildos...whatever.

This is how I want to die.