Dag. That sounds good too! People selling their souls for an extra toilet...LOVE IT.

And they said it wouldn't last.

HGTV meets ID Discovery. We've officially struck gold—Sunday afternoons will never be the same.

Tonight on HGTV: From Murder Chamber To Love Nest In Not Time At All

Good luck feng shui—ing your way outta that kinda dwelling baggage.

You know he's praying right now for a hurricane he can blame on this shit.

Obviously. Big breasts will dull the impact of its overall wretchedness. They're truly magical in that way.

Yep. Chandler on Friends. Lutz on 30 Rock...although he might have actually been gay. And I imagine Charlie Sheen HAD to have made some gay jokes at John Cryer's expense on that one show I never actually saw, but have always hated on principle.

Thank you. Phil Dunphy is a national treasure—I just hope Claire recognizes just how lucky she is.

Wow. This is going to be a big-breasted disaster.

Haha...errant raccoons.

Call me old fashioned, but I still prefer the sex stuff without a camera. You Millennials...

The Nerdy Guy Who Everyone Teases About Being Gay

Fuck yeah.

LOLOOLLLOOOLLLLOL. They raped her and then threw her in a ditch—LITERALLY—ya get it? As opposed to being figuratively ditched after being sodomized by two men and dumped in a river. Very clever.

Yes. Sometimes it feels like other women are the enemy, especially when they get hatefully condescending and aggressive. Thankfully, I know that this is the exception and not the norm, but for some reason it's a lot more painful when it's being hurled at you from women. I guess we all just get used to dealing with it…

Yes. You are. And I didn't WISH diseases on anyone, I just said if they GOT a disease, there are probably diseased people I'd prioritize higher. But I guess if thinking sucking off a dozen guys in public while a bar full of men cheer me on is...icky...makes me an old conservative anti-feminist bible-thumping…

Lol...yeah. Nice use of the Jezebel buzzwords there. I don't give a shit about anyone's STDs—people can take care of themselves. And I didn't realize that caring desperately about the sexual health of some dirty broad and the dozen dirty guys she sucked off in public for a fucking drink was how liberals were defining…

An investigation in Spain? Sounds like an excuse for some government officials to spend a week watching porn on the clock. Europe really IS the best.