I wanted this to be better than it was. I guess nothing lives up to the hype after seeing the man who hasn't bathed in 60 years.

"Riding" is a bit of a stretch.

I thought my dog was, perhaps, the dumbest dog on Earth...until I saw this dog. She would literally stare at an empty water bowl or a closed door until she died. But at least she won't just keep walking into the door or trying to drink from an empty bowl.

Just think...if he would've died a few weeks later, the heavenly Idris Elba would've been the one mistakenly gracing that billboard. Maybe next time :(

If you buy this painting...I hope George Zimmerman shoots you in the face.

How are these auditions secret if everyone knows about them?

Yes, it's weird. But we all know weird ain't always bad.

Lucky bitch. This broad is living the life.

Something's tingling, alright...but it's definitely not my Spidey sense.

I didn't ask...but I'm glad they're telling. This is too amazing for words.

Glenn Beck would be outraged...I'm sure of it.

Yep. She's definitely been burning too much styrofoam indoors.

1. That was fantastic.

And he will be paid exactly 30 pieces of silver. Enjoy your haul, Judas.

Today's eye makeup art is tomorrow's conjunctivitis.

Oh...happily whatever I don't give a shit. I can't think of a show I've been less invested in than Dexter by its final season than Girls. Which means....I'm a female in my late 20s that identifies more with an unrealistic serial killer in his 40s than the voice of...a generation...

A high school offense? Please...I'm sure there are plenty of high school quarterbacks who can do a lot better than 14 interceptions and 14 touchdowns.

Not just bad...significantly bad. Like Tebow's career in the NFL. I'm glad Tim read this, so I don't have to.

One way to announce you want a divorce? This is the only way now. Finally...a reason to get married.

If you're thinking about watching this video or killing yourself, I recommend you kill yourself. I wish I would've gone that route instead.