This is kind of what I expect a good leader to do. And I actually respect the fact that they haven’t publicly said what he did. I think that’s the professional and correct approach.

We made it clear to the entertainers’ managers that we expected a clean version of the show

If only you’d made it 3 sentences further...

The more I hear about the minutia of her life as a congresswoman, the more I fucking want to hug her and give her wine.

When did she get elected president? 

I don’t think I’ll ever get over Macho Grande....

“Trump’s well-documented affairs didn’t happen,, but if they did, it’s fine! It’s only bad when a woman does it, even though I claim she has less self-control because of her hormones!”

kamikaze mission straight into the side of schmuck mountain

Sigh... you're so tiresome.

What’s the matter, Jacob, did the hecklers hurt your feelings?

“The press conference is being drowned out by Chumbawumba” is just an amazing fucking sentence and I’m sure it will be my final thought before I die and I am hashtag-blessed for that. 

Those titles feel like they were written by a new Tom Haverford/Jean Ralphio venture.

Don’t leave out this:

Darren Rovell is my mother-in-law?

That’s a solid burn on the end but I really have to say you definitely go no caption/ “line” there. Zooming in on “Guests: 1" and leaving it w no comment is stone cold and objectively much funnier.

He doesn’t make a good point really, but his attention is useful as the business could learn from this. Don’t give the Darrens of the world a choice to opt out. Bake it into the prices and then tell the Darren Rovells that their prices per item reflect their employees living a good life with good health insurance and…

I strongly, strongly recommend clicking through and watching him get torn to tiny little brand-humping shreds in the replies.

I want to see his fucking tip.

The only surprising thing here is that Rovell didn’t follow this up with a “life pro-tip” about how you can save money by basing your tip off the pre-tax total instead of post-tax. At which point we probably would find out he tips 10% anyway because anything higher is reserved only for “superior” service in his eyes.