Missing from your list: PIVOT!!!!

While Ross was a terrible character, David Schwimmer was a deeply underrated physical comedian upon re-watch.

I think it was meant as a joke.

Right after high school, my best friend and I got an apartment together. Someone decided to bring a cheesy porno movie to the housewarming party. That’s how we all found out together that my roommates cousin was doing porn. 

Responding to this comment so it will rise above all the comments mansplaining my article back to me. Also, thank you.

When I turned 18, I moved an hour away from my insane family. 12 years later, I still live an hour away. While I would prefer to live several hundred miles away, I quickly learned that my family views me living in a large city is the same as living in another country and literally never visit me. So seeing them is…

Deadspin needs more women writers.

Is telling your abusive husband that you're going on a two week trip to visit your parents and celebrate your pregnancy but then never coming back considered a prank? Because it felt like I was pranking him and it was definitely some of my best work.

The first thing I did when I retired from sex work was chuck every single pair of stilettos I owned into the goodwill box, because fuck high heels, fuck walking in them, fuck standing in them, fuck ball kicking in them, fuck them for ever.

Celebrity memoirs are my guilty pleasure. Doesn’t even have to be a celebrity I respect or whose work I enjoy, just anyone who seems to have something entertaining to say. I will probably read this.

Descriptivist moment: you knew exactly what she meant.

Beto, as a fellow Texan, if you want to get everyone on board the B-Train to the White House, you need to throw some double bass in there. Fuckin’ bust out some Neil Peart, Danny Carey, Travis Barker, or that one pale kid from that movie about jazz drumming.

I know we all like to make fun of Marianne Williamson, but she’s the only candidate who is serious about finding the Chaos Emeralds.

Her memoir was the perfect blend of good gossip and “holy shit this woman is a heartless maniac.”

an artist who once sent models down a runway to Sisters of Mercy.

Honestly, I’m sort of glad it happened and that it wasn’t as bad as it easily could have been. It was a near miss to a rape for me, and I’m deeply thankful that it didn’t cross the line over to rape. It was a learning experience that came with some confusion, angst, and shame, but was probably cheap at the price. It…

#MeToo is for everyone. You’re not co-opting it by sharing your story. It’s for you too. I’m sorry you had to go through this.

No to co-opt the #MeToo movement, but this article applies to me from my time in the military. Assault is perhaps too strong a word for what happened to me, but if I have been a drink or two drunker it certainly would have gone that way. In my case it was wheedling, cajoling, and flattery that turned to disdainful…

I want to declare my vote for the complete text of the email you will inevitably receive from Cutrone as the update to this piece. It’s going to be Epic.

Not the Antonio Brown come back story I expected.