Not too surprising. Lowery always had a reputation for being a salty fellow.

Ridged chips can be dipped into sour cream and onion dip, and anything else, ergo it is superior to Sour Cream and Onion Chips. It's science.

Meanwhile, Packer fans are still waiting for Mike McCarthy's balls to show up.

The NFL is likely thanking whatever God it collectively decided to believe in that people are making this into a big deal and getting distracted from those other problems it currently has with players getting concussions and killing themselves (or players who are assholes beating the crap out of women and children).

Make sex with their offspring.

But people who would judge you for having more than one drink (over what I'm assuming is several hours) are kinda fucked up, no? Shouldn't you assume, unless you're warned otherwise beforehand, that your girlfriends parents are normal people who will not think you're a degenerate for being an adult who can enjoy…

I certainly understand. Sometimes things have an emotional value that far outstrips any monetary value it may have.

He does, albeit inadvertently, make a very good argument for going back to school.

Mario Balotelli uses that same comeback except it's directed at underage girls on Instagram.

My business ShipYourEnemiesToAbuDabi.com got shut down and three of my employees got arrested for kidnapping. Go figure.

Yet my online business http://shipyourenemiesspiders.com/ languishes.

I am absolutely floored, flabbergasted and gobsmacked that "The Imitation Game" is being nominated for anything other than "most disappointing fucking movie about an incredible man and an incredible accomplishment that's ever been made in the history of cinema, in fact, in the history of all fucking mankind."

I can't figure out the tone or motivation of this column.

"YOU ALL CAN CALL ME MOZILLA FROM NOW ON BECAUSE I JUST HAD TO FIRE FOX."

I show my 5-6 grade basketball team video of only two teams: The Spurs and the Hawks. The speed at which both teams swing the ball around is mesmerizing.

"Your sister is Forever 21 to me, bro."

As a Knicks and Mets fan, I'm ready for plastic bags.

Any truth to the rumor he was wearing a Brian Scalabrine jersey to throw off investigators?

General malevolence, without more, does not a Hall of Famer make. Besides, I feel like the biggest Goodell skeletons are yet to be uncovered and we really should wait for those to surface first.

- Randle: Listen, rookie. I need you to help me out on this. I need to grab a few things at the store, but I forgot my wallet at the stadium. Here's what you're gonna do, rookie: stand at the front of the store, wave your arms, make a commotion - just make sure the security guard doesn't notice while I grab what I…