If he gets you front row seats to a minor league baseball game, you pretty much have to say yes

Wait...you are supposed to wipe your butt?

If I haven’t eaten lunch by 1145, call an ambulance. I might be dead.

I like spending time with my kids and all, but I just want to be able to pee outside without getting yelled at by someone. Is that too much to ask ? Why do we even have an outside?

Why are Blimps still a thing in 2017? Can’t they just fly a dang drone above a stadium for an aerial shot?

It was over 90 degrees in Ohio and Kent has an indoor facility available for use. I hope they take precautions going forward

Lebron associated himself with Clinton. So there is no way that the Cavs will win in Trump’s America.

I worked at WalMart during high school and college during my senior year. For lunch, I would go to the mall food court (not attached to WalMart) and get the Arby’s five for $5 roast beef sandwiches and two orders of small curly fries. It had to be small because I always snickered when the cashier would yell “Small…

Why didn’t they call up a young man by the name of Moan Yoncada?

Also, acting surprised when the wall has graffiti

I would love too but Agatha Christie cracked my kindle several months ago. How would one go about reading the written word in 2017?

I would love too but Agatha Christie cracked my kindle several months ago. How would one go about reading the…

I do all of these things and usually have my allergies under control, but this year I feel like Mother Nature has taken a dump right on my face.

Toronto WRAPPEDtors. Post comment.

My girls left my car door wide open in a blizzard two days after I got my car detailed last April. Everyone was busted. Everyone.

Bees! They’re everywhere! Your firearms are useless against them!

In college, a friend ordered two ice cream sheet cakes for his girlfriends birthday party. Only one was eaten. He asked us to take one home and keep it in our freezer until he was able to retrieve it later. Of course, our first thought was to keep the ice cream cake for ourselves and share it with those that we love.…

You have to give the man his fleshlight ASAP, in person. a) he has been waiting for that 2 days and is already anticipating the nut to end all nuts and b) it’s 2017. If a man wants to use a fleshlight, may God bless him.

Has he seen the original Teen Wolf movies? A wolf will slam-dunk on your face or box you like no other.

+1 cryotherapy treatment