This looks like my timeline right now. Is that bad?

Why is “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” still a thing in 2016?

Falcon Puuuuunnnnch!

I wish I cared about anything as much as Californians care about the regular season.

I see a penis right after it’s been circumcised, but before it has been sutured properly. Send help.

Bill Simmons needs to get back to what made him famous. He should start putting out articles like his kids needed to eat. This is what drew many of us to him. The podcasts aren’t the same. I can’t crush a whole podcast whilst I take a dump. I can and will read his material.

How many times have you been dicked over by the Government as a result of being ill-prepared or having incomplete paperwork? It’s comforting and absolutely no surprise that it happens at the very top as well.

He should just leave a bunch of full, not buried well enough litter boxes all over the place this week.

It’s not the same unless Rikk Wilde gives him a truck.

To the man with the beach house. Enjoy it as long as you can, then collect the insurance money when it goes under.

This is why sports journalism is the worst. You can say whatever you want on whatever forum you want, and if you are wrong there are no repercussions. Now excuse me while I click on all of these recommended stories for the rest of the afternoon.

If you call everyone “Brother” I assume that you are a Mason.

$50 on dinner for two? What is it like to be a Saudi Prince? I was usually on the under $20 budget.

What about JNCO jeans? There was a time, not too long ago, when big pants made the world go ‘round.

It’s a good thing they didn’t have fireworks on the same night. Awwr awwwr awwrrrrrrn arooooooo!

Which Cardinals player keeps going ape on the punts? Mathieu?

This playbook is awful. Who designed it, Maurice Carthon?

Sitting a QB from Cal for several years has never paid off in the NFL.

Getting the kids on the bus is cool, but it doesn’t make up for the first half hour when they get off of the bus.