From the phrasing, I totally assumed the family in question was rightfully the jaguar’s:

While he’s doing sneaky paws along the bank I was waiting for a giant croc to explode out of nowhere and drag him under.

Jaguars make their living eating caimans and have a stronger bite than tigers or lions. That cat was probably waiting like “I wish a motherfucker would.” This is the SECOND time a jackass entered the jaguar enclosure at Wildlife World and caught paws. Some humans are begging to be a part of the food chain.

“It has to be so painful for them that this is coming up again.”

Anyone who considers Yelp to be a reliable source for where they should or shouldn’t eat/drink is a fucking moron. Full stop. To call it a dumpster fire is offensive to dumpster fires.

Seems like someone is testing a new bot of some sort. Wonder what this restaurant did to tick off Putin that it got picked for the test run.

Yep, the PD’s response was utter idiocy, but I will offer this point:  When the officer says to put whatever it is down, please put it down.  Don’t give the hyper-hyped individual a segue into putting bullets into your body.  You may be on the moral high ground, but you’ll still be getting lowered into the ground for…

People like you are why we can’t have nice things..like Democracy, for instance..

no one is this stupid

My friend Liz says you have to fight too much with King Crab to get to the meat,

Is it wrong that I cracked a huge smile while reading this nonsense?

Ya know, in principle I agree with you. But sometimes its just sooooooo satisfying to give someone exactly what they’re asking for. Case in point...

. . . like Myanmar?

The Kardashians Koverage has gotten me so cynical that I just wonder whether Jordyn Woods has her reality show contract signed yet.

I heard that he thought/knew he was being written out of the show

If she did make good on her threats, it would have been real awkward when his fellow police officers showed up to burn a cross on his lawn and lynch him.

“Social security will be bankrupt by then”

Yep, he’ll go on a 10-city tour where he wails about being kept separated from his GRANDCHILD!! How dare they keep the baby away from its grandfather?! What monsters!

(insert eye roll emoji)

Ah, yes, hockey. The safest and least violent of sports.