This probably counts as a war crime against Italians, but here goes:

Something tells me that charting was to fend of a six-way fruit fruit homicide spree, the only sentence of which that could be deciphered by human ears being “HE GOT MORE THAN ME NO FAIR!”

So... basically chili but you forgot a bunch of ingredients?

Has anyone tried ‘password1234?’

I’m happy to have a separate article where we talk about how airlines are getting away with endangering the lives of their passengers via cost cutting, but this is definitely *not* the place for that.

Shelter Cat Update!

No.  She’s a mouthy, abusive, racist cunt who deserves every bit of infamy coming her way.  I guarantee you that, had her seatmates been white, she would likely have asked to be moved, but she in NO WAY would have said all that shit on the phone. She said it all out loud because she thought that the two POC were…

I think that woman would be triggered by absolutely anything. This has nothing to do with the size of the seats and everything to do with her being an abusive garbage person who moves through life looking for any opportunity to degrade other people while feeling self-righteously aggrieved.

You get hate mail from BBT stans?

“I want chicken nuggets and a beer”

Why do you care though? So what if a 50 year old wants a grilled cheese? You gonna tell them they can’t have one because it’s only available on the kids menu?  Is there some law prohibiting the sale of kids menu items to people older than 12 in your state? 

$350 for accidentally doing 65 (the speed I regularly drive on my exurban freeway whose limit is 65), in a 40-mile an hour zone (which the officer *verbally* told me, but which he wrote down as a 30!).

Last time I used one of those screens it was semi-broken. It wouldn’t take cash or card. So they had an employee stand there and walk you through the process, and when it came time to pay, the employee would tell the kiosk to print a receipt and cancel the order. Then you took the receipt to the normal register and…

Those touch screens are the worst. Want breakfast? Okay, touch the breakfast button. Great, now, do you want a breakfast sandwich, value breakfast item, or big breakfast? A sandwich? Okay, hit the sandwich button. Now choose which type of bread you want. Okay, now you can select which fillings. Done with that? Would…

Excuses are like assholes...everybody has them, and they all stink

Also a bunch of people chanting “Build the wall” to native Americans...sounds like the school isn’t really teaching basic reasoning skills. 

. What was their compensation? A coupon for a half-price trip on their next whale-watching excursion with the same company.

There are people I don’t hang out with anymore because they’re chronically late to everything

Well, usually reservations are held for 15 mins. If somebody is more than 15 mins late, I’m sitting and eating without them. Learn to be on time. 

we stopped inviting people that cant make it on time. they arent grown ups and shouldnt be allowed to sit at the grownup table. being late once in awhile because of traffic or car issues is one thing. but never having your shit together shows you shouldnt ever leave the house. i dont even drive with my mom to go…