Casinos.  I love casinos because it’s guaranteed child free. They aren’t even allowed on the property in my province. 

Male god can’t keep it in his pants when women are around.  Story checks out. 

She can practice her eye rolling for her sentencing hearing. 

Nothing says Happy Birthday for Sad Middle-aged White Guys like underwear clad girls half-heartedly twerking.

This picture is the first wonderful thing of 2019. It makes my black and bitter heart so happy. There is light at the end of the garbage tunnel of the past two years. 

His most unforgivable sin is that he is a comedian who is not funny.

I feel so sorry for your cleaning staff. They don’t deserve this.

I bet those phones on his desk aren’t really plugged in. 

Also, she is a grandma who will give you a REAL pony for Christmas. 

“Oh, this brooch? Just a little gift from my bestie, Michelle.”

Sure, this macaroni did a little time upstate for a botched convenience store robbery, but you can see it is trying to turn its life around.

A country living friend bought one when his wife needed cancer treatments. It was wintertime and they didn’t want to miss any appointments because of weather conditions. They weren’t stupid assholes. However, I live in a city and the number of these trucks rolling around the suburbs is puzzling.

Did I fall asleep and miss something?  Wasn’t Mexico supposed to pay for the wall?  

Every year for the past 15 years my mother gives me the same thing. Large novelty slippers, dish cloths and candy. I’m a diabetic. One year she gave me $50 in 5 dollar bills. I took them and gave one to every homeless person I saw.

Yep, I’d flat out steal it and deny it to their face. 

I can imagine his first day of work when being introduced around.  “Why is your name and face so familiar?”  By lunchtime everyone in that office is going to know exactly who he is. 

Liars always over-explain. They think it makes the lies more credible.  Just tell me you don’t want to go out.  I don’t need a blow by blow account of your “diarrhea.”

Didn’t Ivanka come back from one of Trump’s first visit with the Saudis with 100 million dollars for some “charity” or “foundation” bullshit?

They spent it on photo-shopped Park Service photos.

Five names under consideration: Pride, Greed, Anger, Glutton, Wrath. Lust and Sloth declined the honour because they’re busy elsewhere.