I almost bought a pair at a yard sale even though they were a size too small.  They were very nice. 

Maybe Lal should have spent less time buying shoes at PALESSI and more time paying attention to her MLM scam.

Karen in HR was told not to bring potato salad so something good came from this. 

They do a respectable job in rice pudding. 

That’s because they already have Hilary plugged into that role. Smart, educated women, Evans have no use for them.

We have a friend who moved to the country. One time he remarked on how his cat made so many friends with mice. The cat was always chasing the mice and playfully tossing them in the air. He thought it was wonderful how they got along.  It was kind of sad explaining the facts of life to him. 

“Pence promised me double ice cream if I came to this and didn’t wet myself.”

He’s functionally illiterate. I work with people like him. They can sign their name and read simple text. Anything beyond a fourth grade level is beyond their abilities. They cover it by stating they’re proud of having never read a book. They sneer at people with a formal education. In Trump’s case, he hates…

“Do you pay my rent?”

My local casino will comp meals and I use that feature when they have a buffet and I want to treat a friend. None of my friends drink so we go in, eat, and leave without spending any money on slots or tables. I like slots but I’m particular about which ones I play. Bright lights bother my eyes so there are only a few…

I play slots almost weekly for entertainment. There is no expectation of a big win, if I lose or break even, I’m fine. I have a budget, I don’t drink alcohol and rarely eat at the casino and I use a loyalty card. For a few months I was getting a $100 voucher for the slots, then it dropped to $75, now it’s dropped to…

When the kids were finally in stores again, I got one. It was a bald brown one. I loved it and so did my kid because it was the only brown one. Eventually she ended with about 8 of them because of my mis-placed divorced single mom guilt. When she was a teen and hadn’t looked at them in years I gave them all away to a…

Those fucking dolls. I remember seeing them in the store the summer before the Christmas hysteria.  I thought it was cute and was going to pick one up for my kid closer to Christmas. That didn’t happen.  It took until the  new year before they were available again. 

Well, as I always said to my daughter, Carrie White, “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”  

He’s supposed to attend the Bush funeral. I bet he won’t be able to sit through the entirety of it. He’ll either leave early or make an excuse not to attend. Also listening to his enemies praise Bush’s long, storied career will kill him because he knows he never going to be lauded in the same way.

My uncle to a tee, except for the narcissism. When he’s in familiar surroundings he’s fine. The moment he’s confronted with new or unfamiliar situations the confusion sets in. Routine is vital for him. 

Macri turned his back to hide his snickering as the aide ran after Toddler Trump. “Gotta go, Macdonalds is open!”

Cripes,  go big or go home, I guess. 

You can tell my story about my BF’s crazy wife being locked in an attic. I’m a poor orphan so I don’t have the resources to go after you.

I’ll take irredeemably dumb, Alex.