When the kids were finally in stores again, I got one. It was a bald brown one. I loved it and so did my kid because it was the only brown one. Eventually she ended with about 8 of them because of my mis-placed divorced single mom guilt. When she was a teen and hadn’t looked at them in years I gave them all away to a…

Those fucking dolls. I remember seeing them in the store the summer before the Christmas hysteria.  I thought it was cute and was going to pick one up for my kid closer to Christmas. That didn’t happen.  It took until the  new year before they were available again. 

Well, as I always said to my daughter, Carrie White, “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”  

He’s supposed to attend the Bush funeral. I bet he won’t be able to sit through the entirety of it. He’ll either leave early or make an excuse not to attend. Also listening to his enemies praise Bush’s long, storied career will kill him because he knows he never going to be lauded in the same way.

My uncle to a tee, except for the narcissism. When he’s in familiar surroundings he’s fine. The moment he’s confronted with new or unfamiliar situations the confusion sets in. Routine is vital for him. 

Macri turned his back to hide his snickering as the aide ran after Toddler Trump. “Gotta go, Macdonalds is open!”

Cripes,  go big or go home, I guess. 

You can tell my story about my BF’s crazy wife being locked in an attic. I’m a poor orphan so I don’t have the resources to go after you.

I’ll take irredeemably dumb, Alex.

It’s the feel good story of the year.

Make it a potluck. Put out a list of what is needed. This prevents everyone with showing up with a bag of chips and a Slurpee to share. Check everyone at the door. If the offering is not substantial; potatoes, veggies, pie etc. then they have to pay $20.

Was your family secretly a restaurant?

I liked to read, had no friends and was very introverted, thus “crazy”.

Every family has it’s freeloaders. 

We all got labels, “the smart one”, “the baby”, “the liar”, “the spoiled brat”. etc. I was “the crazy one”.  

Try club soda. Really quenches the thirst.

Jr would show up, tap Chelsea Clinton on the shoulder and shout, “I’m ignoring you!”

Hate to break it to you guys, but Trump loves you because you have money.  Present yourself to him as a poor gay man and you will be told to GTFO. 

Newsflash: Newlywed couple expecting their first child would like to have some privacy from family members!

The scariest things about RVs is driving behind one on a highway with the  wastewater pipe not properly secured. “Is it raining?” Oh My God! It’s shit!”.  We pulled over as soon as humanly possible while that RV sped down the road spraying shit water.