And despite your corporate overlords telling you to stick to sports, I hope Deadspin never does because

and I can’t emphasize this enough

I come to Deadspin BECAUSE YOU DON’T JUST STICK TO SPORTS

Having never been touched like that by a woman before, it was all he could do to prematurely eject her.

It, not baseball, is the truly American sport.

Football is the perfect sport for America because it’s manufactured tribalism that allows us to blather a lot of meaningless nonsense about fake combat none of the fans have any actual involvement with, while scrupulously hiding all the real-world consequences and in the process making a handful of billionaire…

I don’t think the pads and helmet and especially the guys who wear dark visors help people empathize, either. It makes the players look less human, or more robotic. They’re gigantic people made even more gigantic looking by the battle armor that they put on, and then they cover their faces and eyes. It takes the human…

He’s the only radio voice I’ve ever known. I like him, but I genuinely don’t know how much of that is Stockholm syndrome.

Great job by the various low seeds, and I’m not a huge fan of Jizyah, but I don’t see how this ends with anyone else taking the throne

No, that was Willie Simmons. He became EDW in prison. Either way, I can’t really vote for him because of the name change.

Here’s why you voted wrong motherfucker.

seriously, for those who didn’t vote Dijonaise SHOW YOURSELVES in KINJA

UNPOPULAR OPINION ALERT: Truman Peyote and Syncere Friends are BOTH better than Storm Duck

Anyone beating Jizyah Shorts would be a huge upset but I would be completely okay with Bear Spiker v Pope Thrower.

It is a god damned travesty that we are going to lose one of the Rev. Pix Butt or Kermit Sprinkles, and yet one of Telisport Putsavage or Joe L’Official is going to make it through to the next round.

Shaky Sherpa vs Steele Fortress was the hardest decision I’ve had to take lately, and I just bought my first house this week.

“Lionel Pimpin” was also the reason the Commodores broke up

I’m glad we highlighted Jonny Anomaly before he makes a round 1 exit, sometimes it’s the unlikely candidates to even be in the tournament, the ones that are just happy to be here, that make the most heartwarming stories. Pope Thrower is really low seeded, and should have a really good matchup with Precious Orji next…

Pope Thrower is this years auburn. You don’t want to run into him until you absolutely have to

God damn, this is good kinja.