Goddam dorks

This almost restored my faith in America. Forwarding the motion to insert “Pence can eat my asshole” into the Star-Spangled Banner.

The best part of the address was when the Coast Guard commandant told the graduating cadets, with President Fuckhole sitting two feet away, that the most important thing in life is to “tell the truth.” He just got trolled by the fucking Coast Guard.

I’ve got to believe there is a boatload of people like us doing exactly this. And most of us are Cubs fans with a high tolerance for stupidity. Back when the Bears doled out a mega-contract for Cutler, we all said, “The Bears must know something nobody else does.” You see that quote from the NFL exec regarding this…

Fortunately, because this was a soccer press conference, no one in the U.S. saw it.

It’s really tasty after you’ve liked the balls of a rugby team after a 3-day tourney. Texans.

I returned to Wrigley Field for the first time in years and was surprised that it was not the titanic jumbotrons, but the noise the Ricketts have decided to pump into that wonderful place that changed its atmosphere radically. No more talking among fans, just wait to be directed to look to center field, the stands, or…

Or first

I’m in the wrong room

If this surfaced before the election, Trump may have won the popular vote, too. USA is fucking broke.

Glad the drunk doctor was there with the hot-take prognosis “He blew out his mishishkus!”

Average age for starters on the Chicago Cubs is 13. I think they got what they wanted.

Shut up internet surfer millionaire.

That’s a pretty big word.

This ... is not a hot take

I’ve noticed a lot of shiite in the seats in Cleveland. That a-hole with the “Bartman for President” sign? The “Choker” sign? I know living in Cleveland sucks ass, but it’s your own fault. Plains, trains and automobiles people ... you don’t have to stay there.

tl;dr

+1 from Bears fan in NYC. Terrible TV.

And how does that gol’ darned light know when I open the frig door every dang time?

This is like having a conversation with my mom when she’s drunk.