Whenever I try on blazers, I feel like I'm doing fat guy in a little coat from Tommyboy.

These and “tall” pants with 32" inseams. NO. 36" is tall. Short people can go get their pants hemmed. Ain’t nothing I can do if the pants are 4" too short.

This is how we moved the needle in Ireland during our recent fight for abortion rights. Women spoke to the country about their experiences. Women appeared on the radio and on talk shows to go over in painful detail the worst days of their lives and how our laws deepened their suffering.Yes, it was gruelling and an…

Sure, sure...just so you know, my mother had her first two kids via a dude with supposedly good pull out game.  She called it “Catholic roulette.”

Also in congress: 

*crickets*

There is protocol for everything in the royal family, including the royal wedding night. The bride kneels before the prince and recites “I offer you my honor.” The prince then replies “I accept your offer.” And it goes on like that all night: “Honor, offer, honor, offer, honor, offer.”

It makes perfect sense that Roseanne loves Trump. They are both pathetic relics of the Eighties trying desperately to stay relevant in a world that very much wants to forget them, and not caring who they hurt in the process.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE. Stay in the fucking Hamptons Lauer.

it definitely sets a president.

William should really go ahead and shave the rest of his hair off. He looks 20 years older with that George Jefferson look he’s rocking. Also, Harry’s hair has gone thinner since the engagement was announced. How is that possible? He’ll probably have a bald spot by the wedding.

My dream wedding takes place at the local courthouse with a judge and two witnesses, with all the money that would’ve been spent on a ceremony instead getting blown on a kickass, first class honeymoon. Honestly I’ve never understood why people burn so much money on a single day affair when they could have an amazing…

I think this is an interesting point, and it’s the *only* way I can logic Alabama’s support of Moore. To them, it was a choice between a child molester and a child murderer, and they chose what they perceived to be the lesser of two evils.

 That was also the toast as Roy Moore’s wedding.

Trump wants nothing more on this earth than to ride in that golden carriage as part of an official state visit. Props to Queen E & Co. for so subtly telling him he can go fuck himself.

I would also like to see a running list of all the men in Hollywood who dove for cover when this story broke and are currently hiding behind their publicists saying nothing.

“I will not dignify any event...”

And that’s why I root for the asteroid to hit us.

Mixed-race royals is exactly why I want this to be true. Idk if neo-Nazis care about the English royals, but uh I bet they will if this marriage happens. Anything that makes racists froth at the mouth, I am here for it! Get your swirl on, Megan and Harry!