“What am I gonna do with all of these looneys?”

I would've gone with the Fargonauts.

I only get my hockey news from the real Bob McKenzie:

“Curdistand? Never heard of it. But it sounds DELICIOUS.”

[Russell Wilson immediately buys Ciara a Seahawks jersey, shirt, and hat]

This sentiment is one reason it’s become much more difficult for me to watch high school/college football. Welker is a grown man who, regardless of his “window” or whatever to still play, has made more than enough money to sustain himself and his family for the rest of his life and their lives. He isn’t someone…

[Security guard whispers into wrist]

“Cortana, how did I do on that last play?”

“Why go for two when you can go for tree?” is what I alvays ask vhen I’m at my home away from home - de Brew Garden.

This might be the first time anyone in Buffalo has been accused of not being fat enough.

Yeah there are a handful of guys in the world who can make the play Neymar made. The group who can pinpoint that cross is undoubtedly smaller.

See your future, Mike Bianchi.

...how will the government explain registrations like MARIJUANA FOR SALE, CAPITALISM SUCKS DONKEY BALLS, or KIRK COUSINS STARTING NFL QUARTERBACK?

Anyone who’s watched the election coverage this year knows nothing good happens when a Bush tries to run further to the right.

Glass half full perspective: the Royals are paying their WS MVP $550k more than the Mets paid Bobby Bonilla this year.

For when the One Sports Network comes

Prince Ali will be great right up until the point where everyone finds out he’s just a petty thief in fancy clothes.

The day I found a navy version of this pen was the first day of the rest of my life.

The day I found a navy version of this pen was the first day of the rest of my life.

It’s all fun and games until someone breaks Ruben Tejada’s other leg.

1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. ² Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.