I was already on the fence after the lack of composure the state showed during the ice storm and I'm not even going to waste any time on Chipper Jones... This was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

I think saying Handler has "giant steel balls" for taking shots at a now irrelevant lame duck talk show host barely anyone can stomach watching is a little bit of a stretch. That's like saying someone who frequents a prostitute is a real Ladies' Man.

Florida is out too... With 50 to choose from, I'm OK to eliminate states for one instance that is as egregious as this.

Add Georgia to the list of states I'll never live in... I'm running out of states.

Just drop trow and take a dump on the floor... You may not be interesting but you won't be forgotten either.

$7 million??? How can that possibly be the number... They stole Furbies and we can all agree that they are priceless!

Bet I'm not the only one who can't wait for Taylor Swift's song about her inevitable breakup with Karlie Kloss.

I do think Henny Youngman is funny... Just wouldn't use him as my example as why men are funnier than women.

He has a point... Then drowns it in a pool of stupidity with a dash of irrelevance. You can factually argue that men are funnier in general than women... But once you use Henny Youngman as your basis, you totally dismiss yourself as any sort of expert.

The great news is that when this device is called Orgasm Machine by the one who covets it, it will be a fact and not just a pitiful attempt to placate his fragile ego.

Why not just call it Pussy Park

That was her point, not mine. Phoenix implied that the girl commenting on Lorde's bf was saying all Asians look alike... When the person tweeting was (a) Asian and (b) identifying a particular Asian that her bf looked like.

I'm confused about the commentary about Lorde's boyfriend... The tweet you dissected (by visual) looks to be by an Asian.

Tom, Singleton crushed A and AA ball before performing poorly in AAA in '13... Let's show our roll before we blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol.

Out of curiosity, what month is recommended for buying dildos? You're going to just make me wait and see aren't you???

Reading through these tweets, Spencer Pratt's really jumped out... Not because it was interesting or creative but because, well, the rest of the tweets were from actual famous people that at least some of society finds interesting.

My Routine:

"... Like my new car seats? They're made of old boxer shorts... Feel!"

"... Like my new car seats? They're made of old boxer shorts... Feel!"

Translation: "The Rangers wanted me to show humility, accept reality of getting older and be a leader... Ain't nobody got time for that!"