No matter how many times I hear someone tell me how they are technically superior, it still looks like you’ve left some hygiene product in your ear. I’ll keep my over-sized comfortable wireless headphones.

The Rupture. 

Maybe he’s not the hero we need, but he’s the one we deserve.

Only a handful of us saw Idocracy as a warning, while the majority saw it as a goal.

Isn’t this literally playing on one of the TV channels in ‘Idiocracy’?

So we are on step three. I thought that step four would be to blame Cohen or Jared, but now there are too many options.

Freshman year of college me and my roommates went out trying to bond. 6 of us total and I was the only black girl, four of the girls are white and the other girl was EA trans racial adoptee w/ white parents. They went on and on about all the shit they used to steal and from where. I was quietly listening, and then one…

Les Miserables would have been a lot shorter if Jean Valjean would have just explained that he didn’t know the bread was a sentimental item.

Yeah, I wish it was mine. Some entrepreneurial engineer needs to concoct a potato mini gun that can rapidly load a barrel with a potato and fuel, while firing another barrel and the get it going at a rapid clip.

And a word to describe the fact there is a word that describes the ability of the German language to have a word to describe it. And so on and so forth down the rabbit hole (or Kaninchenbau if you please) we go...

And there is probably a word to describe the ability of the German language to have a word to describe it. Ouroboroschiend. Or something.

German might be the most specific language ever created. Seriously, there is person somewhere in this world that is experiencing a very very specific emotion that is very dependent on a certain context and that person is the only person who ever has or ever will experience this emotion, and German probably has a…

My wife and I have an abiding belief that every person on the planet should be made to work at least one year in the service industry, be that retail, food service, customer support, or what have you.

The idea behind this belief is that while having walked a mile in the company shirt won’t stop everyone from shitting…

ex-white girlfriend

This is the truth.
And old ladies know it.

Pay attention to “Bottled by” and “Vinted” distinctions. If a wine is vinted and bottled at the same place, it’s likely to be of higher quality. Just “bottled” means they likely bought excess grapes from another vineyard and made wine out of it. Pay attention to the region, the more specific, the higher the likelihood…

The higher the number the less bottles you and your guests have to drink.

There is a little number on the back of almost every wine bottle that tells you all you need to know.

I mean, not to belabor the point, but this is, presumably, where Chip Caray developed his finely-tuned appreciation for proper ballpark decorum:

I’m going to let the team that didn't do the Tomahawk Chop be the first to complain about a lack of decorum.