A guy I went to high school with checked himself as “safe” yesterday because someone asked. It never went through my mind that anyone I know in NYC would be involved. All the comments were “I was worried sick!” “Thank goodness!”

Yep, they were postmarked the 18th.

Very true. He’s on record saying he doesn’t read books. That’s one reason why he likes Twitter. Small words...and yet he still can’t spell.

They take away his Diet Coke button and two scoops of ice cream.

Since he lacks any sort of empathy, his people should write him a script he can read from. (Small words, of course.)

It reminds me of John McCain. It was such an appalling quote and McCain just took it. I guess if there are any PoC prisoners of war he’s going to roast them.

I wouldn’t be surprised by anything. “I give myself a 10 in responding to Gold Star families. No president has responded with gifts, believe me.”

I don’t even want to know what comes in that package.

Shocking no one, 45 sent rush delivered condolence packages to other military families after saying he’d talked to virtually everyone.

Every Sunday there are a bunch of Jesus freaks holding up signs and yelling that we’re all going to hell for watching football instead of going to church. Maybe they should just go to church instead of protesting football?

I did a quick search and the county is 75% white.

Yeaaah I go to sleep pretty early and watch Game of Thrones peeking through my hands. I didn’t need to see that.

“Lordy I hope there are tapes”

I’m not sure that you can. In fascist America, Nielsen chooses you! From their site:

Nielsen tempted my family back in the 90s with the paper BS. Now my mom, dad, and brother all wear these pedometer looking things 24/7. No paperwork and they all get $30 a month!

He hasn’t written them yet. No way. He’s a third grader with a late book report.

Yeah...that’s why I said “family.” I haven’t seen anything about the dog lately on her Instagram. I’m hoping her family still has her, because I need a break from shitty news.

Her family actually adopted Lady! Her real name is Zunni. I know this. For reasons.

My friend named his dog Atticus after Go Set a Watchman was released because he didn’t acknowledge the sequel. It’s not like Finch was a role model in the first place. Embarrassing.

These are all too good. I’m going to use all of them and the other suggestions.