You could just say “basil”.

I SEE YOUR TYPING IN ALL CAPS AND I RAISE YOU BOLD AND UNDERLINE. IF YOU DON’T THINK AJA KICKS FUCKING ASS YOU ARE A WORTHLESS BAG OF MEAT.

I’m going to make a movie just like Yesterday where a guy wakes up and suddenly nobody but him remembers Steely Dan, and it will be a documentary about my life.

I know that things on the internet can get pretty heated and a lot of people say things they don’t really mean because they are protected by the cloak of anonymity, so I want you to understand how sincere I am when I say I hope you die in a fire.

“SHAME! I’m gonna hide forever...”

The Astros are so preoccupied with outscoring the Yankees in individual games they may end up losing the series in total hits, which as scholars know is really what it’s all about.

Negative batman. The worst thing that you can say about the Yankees is that they functionally created the disparate landscape of haves and have-nots across MLB that meant that they could maintain their iron-clad grip on success, and moreover that they are the active leaders in making sure that this landscape will…

Sure, still, fuck the Yankees though.

I know, I get it. Trust me I do. I root for human shit, and Rudy Guiliani loves our team. I legitimately have no come back for that, and I don’t expect you to ever come around.

Sabathia is the second-greatest midseason rental of all time.

+1 Correct Take

Tough but fair. 

Yeah, sure, but also fuck the Yankees. 

It could be worse. The full version was, “What, you’re no longer down with this dominant, prominent, malcontent, nonevent, rubber cement, breach of trust with fraudulent intent pussy?” 

She looks like she was made out of all the crap God had left over after building Britney Spears.

I have. It is most definitely a series of moving pictures on a screen in a large room, perhaps being hyperbolic in saying that is the only good thing to say about the movie. 

This kind of shit just makes me think of when the smoking ban in bars went into effect. Suddenly, a lot of us smokers were forced to go outside on the patio and interact with other smokers we weren’t normally friends with or were really just bar friends. So I found myself surrounded by some right wingers from time to…

Ellen, GWB tried to put an anti-LGBT amendment in the Constitution because he was antsy about not getting a second term and needed to fire up the base. As in, he literally believed you and your wife weren’t entitled to the rights he has, which laid the foundation for Trump to win now.