It’s glorious. I have eaten more popcorn in the last couple of months than at any point in my life.

I keep thinking we’ve reached peak comedy for this campaign, but every day it gets better!

Wait why? I just get hungry and go to sleep. Oh.. never mind.

I’m fine with it always being 12:00. It’s like a fun guessing game.

My car clock, however, I just have to wait a few months before it’s correct again.

I dont even know how that fucking works unless I’m doing something terribly wrong and it’ll make my life easier in some way if I DID know why we have the option to follow people?

also I just got a Twitter and I’m also not sure what to do now.

Now I know how my mom feels on the internet.

I’m really considering flagging this as harassment.

The transition between the Charlie Sheen piece and the John Stamos interview made think that In Touch interviewed John Stamos about Charlie Sheen. And then the dating question made me go “whaaaat Uncle Jesse and Uncle Charlie dated?”

the lesser Hemsworth

I love all the wrong answers, but this one is such a work of art.

I am definitely going to incorporate the phrase “zero-fucks thirty” into my life.

they’re finally ready to let the bottle containing their romantic feelings burst open and send shards of shattering romance hurtling toward their bodies until their love blood creates beautiful splatters all over Jennifer’s bedroom.

HAHAH JFC

Don’t get crazy.

Wait, so that’s not Anna Paquin? All you white ladies look the same.

I agree. He was fantastic in The Danish Girl.

And Charlotte Rampling is wearing flats!

You know who should win the best actress award this year? Leonardo Dicaprio.

This is the exact thought I had, thank god this phase of my life is over. I got to see some cool huge parties back in the early 2000 that were too much for me - I can’t imagine what it’s like these days. (Imagine me saying that in a “get off my lawn” voice.

Went to a rave at SF city hall (no, really, I’m not kidding or exaggerating) and that was the safest rave I’ve ever heard of.

Bless the internet.