Ugh, 30-40 year old divorcees. Please don't remind me that they're being added to my dating pool. As if the 30-40 year old never-been-married picking weren't slim enough...

Even though I'm unsure of basically every decision I've made in the last sixteen months, I'm sure I made the right choice canceling cable.

I was in until the part about rollerblading. Total deal breaker.

This is some Ghostbusters 2 shit right here.

This is the kind of math that made Lilith Fair such a magnet for sex offenders.

Damn!!

I don't know, I feel like retribution's gone downhill since Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez burned down Andre Rison's house.

Waukegan is a short train ride away from me. I can shit on her doorstep if y'all want me to.

She's from Waukegan, so yeah probably.

Welcome to No Shit News! I'll be your host, Captain Obvious. Next up on our program, the Internet loves cats.

This dicknose... Now excuse me while I get some man-friends together to start our E-Z Abortion Notarizing business.

It's adorable that she thinks when someone rapes someone else, they go to prison.