#MAGA

I mean, it comes down to choice. Women keep CHOOSING to have babies, whereas men make the smarter choice not to gestate and birth their career-derailing spawn. If men decided to make the delicious choice of conceiving, gestating, and splorting a nine pound baby out of a teeny-tiny personal orifice, they’d experience…

It’s so strange how fathers are never to be punished for abortions. I’m sure it’s just a right-wing oversight.

That’s right! Even if Jessica and Elizabeth’s lives were way more exciting.

Well, from the sports talk I’ve absorbed by having espn’s Sports Shouting shows on in my house, any time any one anywhere criticizes ol’ Timmy, it’s because he’s a Christian! And Christians are so persecuted in this country!  

Courtesy is nice, too. When you are a survivor of abuse and seethe with rage over crap like this, you may not turn into the perfect writer.

F this guy. Seriously. Your boy can’t hire a women because she’s too pretty and he thinks she’ll sue him for harassment? Maybe don’t be a lecherous creepy boss. Problem solved.

Agreed—absolute two-toad situation. Kimmel doesn’t magically lose toad-status just because we both hate Trump and his brigade.

That’s good to know, all I have to do is ask. But seriously? Don’t tell me what is or isn’t significant. Your experience is not my experience, and having been in a relationship where there was no sexual activity for over two years feels extremely significant to me.

So a couple months ago I did the thing and broke up with the guy who wasn’t right for me and of the huge range of emotions I experienced, the most acute was the crippling realization that I have to date again. I do. Because I need to have sex. I haven’t had sex in over TWO YEARS you guys.

So hey everyone! I just uncorked a bottle of Chianti, cats are fed, lunches for the week are made, and I have a date tomorrow! Woo hoo! But first: I was on (local) tv news this week and I wasn’t terrible! It was my first time on tv ever, and I was nervous, but it really was fine. And going forward, I’m going to be on…

Consumer Financial Protection Bureau Mick Mulvaney, who is so aggressive about cost-cutting measures that he suggested the quarterly budget be $0

Also, I gotta say that I think her apology is a great one. No excuses, just I’m sorry I was an idiot who didn’t think.

Man, I took a bath the other day and felt extremely fancy and like I was living the life 10 year old me dreamed I might because I had a bath bomb, a glass of wine, a book, and some good tunes. We have an old cast iron tub and it’s amazing for baths and the water stays hot for so long. All of this is just preface and…

No, they’re lesbian shit-asses.

“Jane Bond”

Look for mold.

Period Break

I cackled.

“Dobb Knobbin’” made me LOL at my desk