You know you're an asshole when even Canada, the politest country in the world, is like ERMPH. BACK UP, TURN AROUND, WALK AWAY.

I love my country.

"You know Tina, the Devil takes your soul every time you orgasm? That is why your mother is still a pure woman today!" (I'm just guessing based on the image, I have to wait until I am done with work to be sure.)

My aunt is very much a free-spirit. She is also very much a fan of white wine. These two factors collided during her son's wedding, when she stripped down and went streaking back and forth across the massive picture windows of the wedding reception venue. Then she ran into the water to "cleanse the blessed union" and…

The best man sounds like the title fit.

I wouldn't say it was 'royally screwed up' but we did have a bit of fisticuffs. Our venue is on a private school's campus. It used to be the convent and is now the library for the school in one part and a reception/wedding venue in another with the nuns living on the 3rd floor. The school isn't so much in a…

"we are giving you hoovers and milkshake machines! What more could any girl be wanting?"

Like 90% sure whoever is running Mahmood's social media accounts is a dude.

Don't be silly, everyone knows you serve salads in wedges.

I could *almost* give the people a pass for thinking Chipotle served soup because, while I don't live near one, I do have a Qdoba close by and they have tortilla soup as a regular menu item and, in my mind, they are roughly equivalent establishments. BUT there is no reason to get all crazy about serving things in…

WHAT IS AN HERB

Oh my god.

Ugh, I hate the people who are just impossible to explain anything to. I had a conversation about pesto this week that went like this:

So at this place, everything tastes like ham?

And FINALLY Jezebel mentions this story.

That's actually pretty cute. My parents didn't encourage my creepyness, I was just born that way. They actually told me to tone down my vocab when I started school because they were afraid other kids wouldn't like me.

Oh god. I was six or seven when 'Achy Breaky Heart' came out. My grandparents had a camper in a permanent lot on the Ohio River (on the West Virginia side, thank you very much), one of those campgrounds where you leave your camper year-round and can build porches for them if you wish. That summer, the spot next to…

I was 8 years old when I went into my parent's bedroom one morning while my parents were still asleep and saw my Dad had a boner. I totally freaked out, woke my Mom up by dragging her out of the bed, and called 911 because I thought it was a chestburster from Aliens.