Thomas D. Homan. Thomas Dee Ho-man. Thomas The Human.

If I was American, I’d be calling to report that ICE was asking for my documents outside a courthouse.

I gave birth last Saturday, when I was only 25 weeks along, because my high blood pressure turned into preeclampsia and then HELLP syndrome in a matter of days. Original plan was to keep me at the hospital for as many weeks as possible before delivery, but my labs turned bad and then worse and doctors think I would…

Hey, if you want to hear Randy Quaid go on about his on-screen boners and sex scenes, please do so in the privacy of your own home so that we’re not subjected to it, ok?

I predict the event will just be Hope Hicks throwing raw eggs at passing children while Stephen Miller shrieks “ENJOY YOUR LAST BIG GOVERNMENT HANDOUT, DICKBAGS!”

This type of thoughtfulness is how I learned about something called “Ash Wednesday”.

Oh Jesus fuck, she’s the worst.

Oh, can I share, too?

Indeed I would also put “born in the USA” on the list too because after that people don’t bother listening to the rest of the lyrics.

Unless you’re taking about slavery. Then it was 1,000 years ago and everyone should shut up it’s over!

Yeah, but JTT.

They should have asked him for his SAG card in return.

THROW IT IN THE BIN, IAN!

WRONG

Relapse is a normal part of addiction treatment and it would be a great service if we were more honest about it. Many/most people in recovery will relapse - if we accept that, it would go a long way to reducing the embarrassment that so many recovering people feel about it. I wish only good things for Ben as he and…

Would you have sex with Tim Kaine’s son?

You should have turned in that fancy OBAMAPHONE for a good pair of boots with some straps on them! That’s the only way you get ahead in life!

The last medical statement I got was for $500 for one procedure. As long as I don’t need any other medical care for the next two years, his analogy totally works.

Well, since this is a hotly contested issue in many parts of the country, and she might be in a better position to sway people who on the fence about it, I’d imagine a lot of people who care about women having access to reproductive rights give a shit about this.

No pets currently in the White House?