I can’t tell if you are a sentient tomato or just a figment of my salad’s imagination.

Is there anyone who issued a statement saying that the whole region can go fuck itself and maybe the world would be better off not being held hostage to a speck of dirt and the bunch of assholes fighting over whose ancestors had a better claim to a pile of rocks?

Brooklyn LOVES Hamas.

There is little they can in terms of actions/policies that may aid the Palestinians, all that is left is the empty platitudes. If the empty platitudes aren’t enough for you maybe they can try thought and prayers.

I will respond with my own strongly-worded, pull no punches letter, if they promise to include me on the list of 2020 Democratic front-runners.

Should’ve found a babysitter if you’re going to nonviolently protest

Easy there Muhammad. You’d be speaking German if it wasn’t for us.

Can we get a statement from Splinter on why you continue to support the literal nazis in this conflict?

I can’t tell if you’re ironically victim blaming or if you’re actually doing it.

Really? I thought Sanders’ message was on point and really powerful. Lizzy Warren was more of the same fence-sitting BS that Bush and Obama gave us. Killing is bad yada yada nothing done.

He’s very popular in the Midwest.

Someone the radio recently described Palestine as “an open air prison.”

Haha yeah right. He wishes. I’m twice as jacked as this dude but that doesn’t mean I’m bigger. I mean, I am bigger than he is, but not like roided out or anything. No, I’m way denser. This guy clearly lifts but I can guarantee you I’m doing 2x or 3x the reps and sets he’s doing. My veins are out of this world and I…

No I mean like do you have a link to the application where to get this from?

Those were the DAYS! Man I want to work at Amazon so bad but I’m also real pissed at them for putting Macy’s out of business. Someday I’m gonna have kids and I wanted to take them shopping there and relive some of those times. “See this is the dressing room where daddy and mommy...” Yeah well I guess that won’t…

I didn’t delete anything but I also think your pretty much wrong about there being retail businesses that treat people well. Even Amazon treats there employees like pyramid builders. All work no play. I would love a gig at Amazon though. Applied like a hundred times already but I guess everyone else is too.

Yeah that was my problem with all of them too. It’s like you pay me to do this stupid stuff. It’s literally really just this stupid stuff. And you expect me to treat you like royalty? GTFO. I know how to get the work done. I don’t need to be here all damn day to do it.

First of all, let’s define “cheap.” To many that will mean one thing and one thing only: a low price. However, my definition is a little more nuanced. Let’s dig a little deeper.

I’m not black, but I do have a lot of black friends. I actually am not really sure what I am. I’m not white but there’s definitely some white in me, and if looks are any guide I’ve got some Spanish or Native American or Brazilian roots too. Both of my parents say we’re Jewish, but I’m very skeptical of that. My…

Don’t worry bout that dude. He gets paid to pretend be like that smart older wise man with all that brevity acquired through legit experience. Really he just doesn’t have much to say and is flat out boring af.