An omen: You will have many children, but most of them will not survive.

If I was in that situation, I honestly wouldn't think Sad Investor was interested in me romantically after staying up all night and nothing happening. As you said, it didn't need to be anything sexual (for me personally that would've been way too fast) but some expression of interest would've indicated that, "Yeah,…

You can actually pinpoint the moment Sad Investor blew his chance. When Pineapple brought them both to coffee and then prematurely bounced...she was trying to give SI an opening. After walking Strawberry back to the dorm he should have followed up with a "Would you want to go to dinner this weekend" or something…

We are Russian.

Maybe she'd like to know what time he's coming home so she can make dinner and have it be ready on time without having to initiate the texting every day? (Because then of course she'd be a nag.) It's not that hard to send a text if you're going to be decently late all the time, and if it is, then this is a good…

I even put pulled pork in them this time. And ALL GUYS LOVE PULLED PORK!

That is exactly what was said. Now: explain how you got past all the booby traps Jezebel has set up specifically to keep filthy male swine away!

You know, in a government shutdown, the body has a way of shutting that whole thing down to prevent infection.